I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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