I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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