It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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