Sponge bath it is.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
