My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
