Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
