Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
