This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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