I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize