Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
