Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
