I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
