Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
