Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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