I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
