i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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