did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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