:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
