life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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