I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
