At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize