Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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