So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
