ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
