Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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