Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
