Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
