That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
