Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
