dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't deserve a penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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