It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
