i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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