Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
