I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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