My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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