She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
