I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
