So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
