Don't make out with my wife yet
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
be right there i have to get my cape
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
