Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
