Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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