My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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