So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
