Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
