8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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