my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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