my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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