I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
