Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
