i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He shit in the fireplace
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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