last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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