I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My first STD was from a foam party
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
