Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
