So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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