Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
