I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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