It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We got so high we made milksteak
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
