I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
