Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
