when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
