If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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