god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
