Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
