He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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