guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
