Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
