buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
