I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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