Jerry, you need to find god
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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