um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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