Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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