he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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