How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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