I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
