i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
