i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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