Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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