He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
