My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
