Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
