her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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