Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
