the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
