Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
