I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
