need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
