On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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