I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
