I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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