why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
