i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Boobs speak an international language.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
