it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
as a side note pls kill me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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