Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
