If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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