Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
