Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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