hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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