I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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