i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
