his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
