Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He passed out mid-signature
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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