no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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