he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize