And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
