you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she smelled like a LAN party
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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