so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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