If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
