i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
