My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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